Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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