Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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