i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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