We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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