I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
