i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
