I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.