I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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