dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
