I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize