I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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