I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
