I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
