As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
