Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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