We got so high we made milksteak
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
