We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
