i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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