I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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