i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.