I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets