all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back