Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.