he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.