dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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