My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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