I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
