Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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