that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
