**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
