i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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