Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
