i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
