Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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