now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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