My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
