Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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