under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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