I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize