i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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