I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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