At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
