had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
