10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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