Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
