i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
