Tell her she can't have a vagina
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
