i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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