Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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