WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
