At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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