so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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