I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
