WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
