omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
