For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
