***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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