i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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