glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize