Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
