U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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