Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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