Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
