Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
