I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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